You really coming over, don't trick.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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