I wish you could order shots online.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
