i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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