There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
