Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
