I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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