you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
