wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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