I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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