Apparently you make a good broom.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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