I CAN MOONWALK!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
