The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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