Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
