yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
