Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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