I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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