weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
