That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
