My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
sarcasm needs its own font
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
