State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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