Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
