my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
