I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
