Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
