yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
