I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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