I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i dont even know how to be here
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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