i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
