He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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