I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
