Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
