Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
