I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We named our party play list daddy issues
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
