Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The power of my boobs compel you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
