i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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