Porn is love you can see.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
