you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
