We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
