Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
