It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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