Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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