there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There was a lot of him and a little penis
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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