Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My vagina just recognized that song.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
