Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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