I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
