i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
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