dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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