My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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