somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
