Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
